Discernment day

This afternoon I had my 4th Lay discernment meeting. The questions are deep, extensive and intrusive. "What do I think of my sexuality?" huh? At least there are only 1 and 1/2 days left to this part of the process. 6/20 is the last meeting. The team will meet beforehand to "decide my fate" then I'll come in and they'll tell me what they decided and why. Of course, if I do get passed there is still the COM and the Bishop to go through.
Discerning God's call can be tough for some of us. My Pastor had a kick in the head from God, kind of a direct way to find out what he wants. He is being rather quiet with me. However, I've got to believe that if this is where he wants me, it will happen.
I keep examining my motives and my call. Is it real? Am I fooling myself?

What is ahead...

Should I be seeking the ordained ministry? Is that where God is leading me? I fall so far short from where I'd like to be. How can I even dream of being a role model as a Christian? My discernment group will be making their decision soon, will it be what I want? Will it be what God wants for me? Oh, my head!
I have said that I believe a "no" doesn't make me a failure, but my insecurity pushes at me, saying, not good enough, not good enough. I pray for peace, calm and understanding. Thank you, Lord.